


Hyena.

by klawhawser



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Break Up, Post-Episode: s02e18 Awake Arise Or Be Forever Fallen, Post-Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Break Up, Sad Alec Lightwood, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26484859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klawhawser/pseuds/klawhawser
Summary: “I'm so weak weak weak and stubbornCan't do anything on my ownPretending to know it all  kept love at arm's lengthThat's me but I'll try to be strong so listen”orAlec blames himself after Magnus broke up with him post S2e18. He runs away and he sing this song. Magnus heard his true feelings, loud and clear.Songfic.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 2
Kudos: 63





	Hyena.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a songfic inspired from Hyena by My First Story. Listening to the song is recommended while reading this fic to understand it better. Enjoy!

**The more I spend in times of fractured happiness**

**I'm sick of it**

Alec keep replaying the lift door closed in front of him in his mind. All he can think was Magnus cold glare staring at his, before the door closed completely.

Alec knows he messed up. He messed up really bad. His chance to spend his days with Magnus is long gone. He bit his lip, trying to calm down his raging thoughts. His hazel eyes watered just merely thinking about Magnus.

Magnus is gone. _Magnus is gone._

Magnus left him.

He doesn’t want to be with Alec anymore.

**Like a starved and sad hyena**

**Biting, getting in the way; Just forcing my ego on others**

Alec sighs deeply. This break up is killing him slowly. He couldn’t eat without thinking about him. Couldn’t bear to close his tired eyes when all he sees in his dream was Magnus, leaving him all alone in the darkness. And every time he wakes up, he sits upright with his arms trying to reach that unreachable person. He knows better not to blame Magnus but himself. He is the source of Magnus pain. That’s why Magnus left him. Yes. Of course, Magnus would choose to fight with the Downworlders along with the Seelie Queen, rather than fight alongside with the Shadowhunters. With Alec. His people needs protection. His people are more important than him.

He could accept that.

He _can_ accept that.

He has to.

**Wait... who's in the wrong?**

* * *

**Floundering, crying, holding, smeared in blood**

Alec stays in his bedroom at The Institute for the past three days. Ignoring his piling paperwork that needs to be done by the end of the week in his office. He knows he is being unreasonable, but he can’t work with his heart torn to pieces with no glue to stick it back together. Looking like death, spreading negative energy around the Institute isn’t something he keen to do. He can trust his parabatai and sister to do his work just this once.

**Why can't I change? Am I the only one?**

**Can't I be happy? Will my prayers remain unanswered?**

He is so busy staring the window glistening with golden lights with pink and orange hue hitting his face that he doesn’t hear the knocking on his door. He hears light footsteps coming from his door but chooses to ignore it. He notices it’s Izzy because his sister is the only one who could see past through his thickened wall. Izzy brings his dinner, only to find Alec cocooning himself in his comforter.

“Alec, please you gotta eat something,” Izzy pleads, sitting herself on the edge of his bed, caressing Alec’s back. “I brought that pasta you like so much from across the street. At least just take a bite?”

Alec makes no movement. Izzy exhales when he replies with silence. Jace comes in a minute after and put his hand on Isabelle’s shoulder when he sees his glooming brother.

“I got the firsthand experience and I know break up is hard,” Jace pauses. He waits for any reaction from his parabatai but haven’t find any. “It’s never easy, Alec. I get that and I don’t blame you. You know we are here for you. Just talk to us whenever you feel like it, alright?”

Izzy gives Jace a sad smile and rubs Jace’s back hand then takes his untouched lunch tray on the credenza near the door. After the door closed and made sure they have left, Alec lays on his back, taking an exasperated sigh. Another tear rolled from his eyes to his pillows. He hates this feeling. He misses Magnus so terribly yet he can’t do anything about it.

Alec pretends that he’s fine with it. Maybe if he pretends so much, he’ll believe his lie himself.

**Is that why I bolt?**

**Making no effort to love but still want to be loved?**

* * *

**I'm so weak weak weak and stubborn**

**Can't do anything on my own**

**Pretending to know it all, kept love at arm's length**

If only Alec could turn back time, he’d tell Magnus about the soul sword immediately. Ignoring the Clave’s Envoy, his father, who told him to keep quiet about this matter regarding the Downworlders. No matter how much guilt that’s eating him right now, it won’t bring Magnus back.

He feels restless. He takes a glance at that pasta Izzy left for him earlier. The pain creeps from his stomach, but he ignores it. He gears up, picking his bow and quiver of arrows instead. Before he leave his room, he writes a note addressed to Izzy with cursive letter he used a lot.

_I’m clearing up my head. Don’t worry I’ll be back by tomorrow morning._

_Alec_

He folds and put the note near his dinner tray and leave silently.

From the Institute stained glass windows, he realizes it’s already dark outside. The Ops Center is devoid of shadowhunters since Izzy and Jace told them to do late-night patrol around New York and the Institute itself. He is relieved because he doesn’t have to explain where he’s going to any curious security. His silent, long stride took him quickly to the main door without activating his soundless rune.

**That's me but I'll become strong**

**Listen**

He wanders aimlessly through the street of New York. _Thank the angel for creating a glamour_. Or else those mundanes would notice his frenzied, unkempt look.

_You’re a disappointment. You only know how to mess things up and breaking heart._

He shuddered. Alec knows damn well that he’s a disappointment. He doesn’t need his brain to do a reality check with him. Before his mind begin to form new unsettling things, he runs quickly through the city crowds, hoping the buzzing would silence them.

After running around the city for a while he halted. He peeks at his surrounding and realizes how empty this street is. There’s no another person in sight. He’s calm but guarded. His intensive years training as a soldier has taught him well.

He summons his seraph blades just in case there’s demon lurking for him in the darkness. He can’t risk to injure himself. There will be no High Warlock of Brooklyn of his who would heal his injuries. Not anymore. Not that Alec relies on this warlock, but his body is used to his soothing blue colored magic whenever it heals him. And now his body aches for his touch.

_Stop it. He hates you now. Don’t you see that you don’t deserve him after all those lies you told?_

He shakes his head. His negative thoughts keep coming back. Distracting himself, his hazel eyes catches an abandoned building. The building itself has a cracked paint on its wall and it’s dark inside, making a daunting appearance. After making sure nothing dangerous around it, he confidently steps inside the building.

Alec cringes as the creaking sound can be heard as he pushes the emergency stairs’ door to the rooftop. He put his hands on his knees as he catches his breath. He roams around the rooftop to lower his heartbeat. He takes a deep breath as he sees the city scenery and looks up. He gapes in awe as he get blown away by the magnificent sky.

Up there, midnight blue sky is twinkling with hundred thousand of stars. He beams and feel giddy. But his smile falters when he reminisces about Magnus.

_“Magnus,” Alec called from the living room in Magnus’s loft. The High Warlock of Brooklyn was boiling a potion in the apothecary. When he heard Alec call his name, Magnus came into his view and gave his warmest smile Alec ever seen._

_“Yes, Alexander? Is there something bothering you?” Magnus asked as he welcomed himself on the sofa beside the cute shadowhunter of his._

_“U-Uh, no. I mean, yeah,” Alec stumbled with his own words. He scratched the back of his head to lessen his nervousness. Magnus snickered as he studied his shadowhunter. Alec’s cheeks got warmer and he couldn’t help but to stare at his golden cat eyed warlock. How lucky he was to be able to met someone as caring and loving as Magnus. He cleared his throat to continue._

_“If you could be reincarnated to be something that’s not human-inanimate objects-, what would you be?” Alec asked. Magnus’ brows furrowed when he heard that question._

_“Why your question is so random, Alexander?”_

_Alec giggled. Magnus’ heart clenched seeing his shadowhunter so carefree. And so, he pulled his Alexander and rested his head onto his shoulder. Alec hummed in contentment._

_What a pleasant night._

He is taken aback to reality. Moments like that is what keeping him alive these past three days. He gazes back ruefully to the dark sky above him and closes his eyes, whispering faintly.

“Ah, how I wish Magnus is still here with me to stargaze.”

* * *

Back at the Institute, Izzy is about retire to end the day. She hums random tune as she strolls the Institute’s corridor to her bedroom, she stops by just to check on his brother. She knocks on his door.

Once. Twice. There’s no answer.

She tries to open and surprised that his door it’s not locked. It’s weird, Izzy thinks. Alec always locks his door whenever he leaves even just for a minute.

“Alec, have you eat—,” Izzy stops as soon as she doesn’t see a glimpse of Alec in his room.

“Oh no, no, no,” Izzy barges in and looking for clue frantically. She found his dinner tray that she left for him isn’t touched again. She feels dejected Alec but her eyes catches something white near the tray. She found Alec’s notes near the tray and reads it.

Not wanting to waste another time, she pulls her phone from her tight leather pants to call for Alec. It doesn’t surprise her that Alec doesn’t pick up. Just a few seconds after, Jace passes by and looking confused.

“Izzy, what are you doing in here?” Jace asked. Izzy eyed the blonde shadowhunter with mismatched eyes. 

Izzy huffed and steps aside to show him that the room is empty. Only scattered comforter on his bed. Jace comes in and takes a long breath. “Is..is he?”

“I don’t know Jace. He only left this note saying that he’ll be back here tomorrow.” Izzy gives the note for him to read. Jace takes it and read it briefly. He folds the paper back and looks at Izzy right in her eyes.

“Did you by any chance see him in the training room?” Izzy asked.

“No, I didn’t, Iz. As far as I know no one been using the training room today, Iz,” Jace inquired. He tries to contact him through the parabatai connection but Jace can’t really feel him. “He won’t write that note if he’s only going to train, Iz. Maybe he’s at Magnus’?”

Izzy types Magnus’ number quickly. Three beeped sound after they finally heard Magnus’ voice.

“Hello, Isabelle,” Izzy and Jace could hear his drowsy voice. “Is there something do you need from me?”

“Magnus,” Izzy dreaded to continue. “Jace and I can’t find Alec. He left a note that said he need to get away for a while.”

Magnus felt blood drains from his face. He knew deep inside Alec ran away because of him. He stays silent, waiting for Izzy to continue.

Izzy tries to calm down, her voice still wavers, “Magnus, I’m scared. What if something happened to him?”

Magnus is speechless. He couldn’t process what if Alec is hurting somewhere. He composes himself, walking to his, _their_ , bedroom. He is trying to find something belonged to his ex-boyfriend. “Let’s not get panicked first,” he tries to calm Izzy. “I’ll track from his jacket that he left and I’ll call back as soon as I found him, okay?”

“Thank you so much Magnus.” She’s thankful for Magnus. “I know you didn’t end things well with Alec, but I hope you could forgive him. He has been punishing himself lately.”

“I can’t guarantee that, but I’ll try my best to listen to him,” Magnus hesitates. As he ends the call, the item he’s looking for is now in his grasp.

Now he has a shadowhunter to hunt.

* * *

As much as Alec enjoys his time alone, he feels like it’s too quiet. He pondered for a moment. At last, he opens music app on his phone and put it on shuffle. The song that plays was his personal favorite. It kind of reflects what he is feeling this time.

He prepares his bow, his arms reaching for an arrow from his quiver. He points to the sky above and _Snap!_ He lets go. _If only this heartbreaking feeling could go as easily as this,_ Alec thinks. He shoots few more arrows as he hums to the first half of the song.

Magnus spent half an hour to track his ex-boyfriend until he arrives at the scene stumbling from the portal. He’s usually graceful but hate it when certain shadowhunter keep making him worry. From behind the staircase, he watches his lovely shadowhunter shooting his arrow while singing to mundane song.

Oh, how he missed his strong arm, delicate jaw, and _that_ deflect rune on his neck he loves so much.

Magnus could faintly hear the background song emitted from Alec’s phone. He knew this song. He heard Alec sang this song few times when he visited at his loft, cooking pancakes for breakfast. Magnus smiled remembering those moments where he introduced Alec to some mundane songs. It’s not hard to make Alec engrossed to mundane songs. Just play it and he’ll listen. Maybe if Magnus is lucky Alec would ask the title of the song. Magnus still remembers those lit up eyes when Alec blurted that he liked the song. His flashback was cut off when Alec begin to sing.

**Whenever I see happy faces passing by**

**I'm sick of it; My heart begins to turn pitch black**

**I scream with scorn but nobody turns around**

**Wait... Where is the pain?**

Alec’s mind wandered off to the nightmare he’s had the last few days. His heart still aches remembering how Magnus still managed to left him even though he begged Magnus not to leave him. It’s just too much, even though the pain isn’t as overwhelming as it started.

**Cut off, split, scratched, and wither**

**Can't things change?**

**At least let me stand in the midst of happiness, acting lonely**

**No attempt to understand just blame others, right?**

**I'm so weak, weak, weak, and stubborn**

**Can't do anything on my own**

**Pretending to know it all, kept love at arm's length**

**That's me, but I'll try to be strong, so listen**

Magnus’ heart clenches when Alec sings this part. His voice sounds so painful. He is frustrated how can Alec sees himself weak? He isn’t weak. Magnus always thought his Alexander is the bravest, strongest, and most self-less shadowhunter he ever knew.

**Until now**

**I lived life thinking I was all alone**

**But now, I can move on ‘cause it could be the two of us**

**If you feel the same way too**

Alec has gotten so much better since Magnus crashed into his boring, repetitive life. Magnus taught him how to be himself, how to be true to himself without being afraid of what the outcome may be. He basically saved Alec in the best way possible. Magnus regretted for not trying harder for him and Alec regretted for lying and hurting him. They both regretted so much.

**I'm so weak, weak, weak, and stubborn**

**Can't live all alone anymore**

_No, Alec, you’re not weak._ Alec was facing the other side, singing softly. Magnus strides gently without startling the younger shadowhunter. _I can’t live without you, either._

**I'm so weak, weak, weak, and vain**

**‘Cause I can't do anything on my own**

**“I want to be with you forever”**

**I wish for it with all my heart**

**That's me but will you let me stay by your side?**

Alec hits that last high notes beautifully. Magnus can’t hold the tears at bay that is about to fall.

Clasped hand is placed on his chest. _It hurts._

He wants forever with Alec, too.

_I heard you, Alexander. Loud and clear._

**That's me but I'll try to be strong so listen**

Alec pants as he finishes the song. He definitely feels a lot better after singing his heart out loud. Even though his heart hurts, longing for Magnus to come back at him. He lowers his head as his knees sink to the ground below him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry for everything,” he gasped. He doesn’t know where to address his apology, tears keep falling from his eyes. Broad shoulders trembles, cannot contain his misery anymore.

“Apology accepted, Alexander.”

Did Alec just hear _his_ voice?

He sits frozen, contemplating whether to check the owner of the voice is real or he’d be greeted with sheer imagination. Alec turns his back slowly, can’t afford to break more of his heart if it isn’t real.

He sees Magnus.

He cannot believe his eyes. His brows furrowed. More tears spilled. _His Magnus is here._ Alec stands up hastily and uncertain what to do. He wanted to embrace him. Wanted to be caressed by him. He doesn’t have that privilege anymore. His slouching figure complements the exhaustion appeared on his face.

“Why are you here, Magnus?”, Alec asked. His voice is shaking.

Magnus stares wistfully at his Alexander. “Izzy called me earlier. She said you might get caught into trouble. So, I came to check.”

He nodded. Understanding why his sister told Magnus to come. He has been ignoring calls from anyone, including his sister.

“Now you know that I am fine, what are you gonna do? Take me back to the Institute?”

“You know I can portal you back to the Institute in a blink of an eye, Alexander,” Magnus huffed, playing with sparkly blue magic in his hands. “But I know that’s not what you want.”

Alec is about to say something. _Magnus’ loft. Our home_. The only place where he can be himself.

But he stays silent, not believing himself to answer. Afraid his voice might crack, heavy with anguish. He looks down on his feet, closes his eye, preparing mentally focusing on how to apologize to Magnus.

He feels something hugging him. _Someone_ hugging him. He opens his eyes and gasps. Finding Magnus is the one who is hugging him lovingly. Alec is back right there, safe, between his arms. Alec cries agonizingly.

Magnus shushed, his arms wraps tightly around his Alexander. He rubs soft ministration to calm his crying shadowhunter. Alec’s face nuzzles on Magnus’ shoulder. His arms clutched Magnus’ back. Not wanting to let him go. Scared Magnus would disappear as soon as he stops clutching him, to leave him again. He sniffles. He calms a little bit when he’s picking up sandalwood shampoo smell that he loved so much.

“I’m here, Alexander. I’m not going anywhere.”

Alec pushes himself off of Magnus. He takes another look on him. His loving smile is present on his face. Magnus cups his cheeks and wipes his tears with this thumb coated in black polish. Alec chuckles as more tears rolls down his cheeks. He leans into his tender palm.

“I’m really sorry, Magnus. I should have told you the truth about the soul sword. I shouldn’t have lied in the first place.” Alec inquired as he stared at his glamoured eyes. Hiding warm honey cat eyes beneath it.

“I know you’re sorry, darling. I forgive you,” He smiles tenderly. “I won’t say it doesn’t hurt me. Just let the past be the past. But I need to apologize, too, Alexander. I should’ve fight harder for us. I shouldn’t have left you to choose something else. You’ve unlocked something in me and I mean it. You’re irreplaceable, Alexander.”

Alec only closes his eyelids, trying to take it all in. It’s been a while since he heard his gentle voice.

“Do you remember when you asked me what would I be if I was reincarnated as inanimate object, Alexander?”, Magnus asked. Alec’s hands are now resting on top of Magnus’ hands, caressing the back of Alec’s hands with love.

“Yeah, I still remember,” He recalled his memories again. “But I don’t think you answered my question back then?”

Alec throws puzzled look at Magnus as his beloved’s head looks up at the dark sky decorated with sparkling diamonds. “After thinking for a while, I just want to be the stars in the sky so that I can watch over you whenever you feel lonely.”

“Magnus, that’s so cheesy,” Alex chuckled shaking his head. When the laughter dies, he pulls their forehead together. Their eyes locked onto each other.

“I love you, Magnus,” Alec confessed. “Please let me stay by your side for as long as Raziel allows me to.”

His heart bursts when Alec uttered the confession. He brings their head closer and Magnus eyes flutters as he leans into Alexander’s kiss. His lips is soft and warm. His Alexander whimpers as their kiss deepens, savoring this moment. They part slightly, only to catch their breath.

“Only if you promise to let me by your side as well, Alexander,” He places chaste kiss on Alexander’s nose.

“Aku cinta kamu, Alexander.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for reading my fanfic. This is my first fanfic on AO3 ahahaha. I’m sorry I’m a little bit rusty. Please do give a comment, kudos, and bookmark if you'd like. I’d love to hear your thoughts <3


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